We speak a lot nowadays about how important it is to open up about our feelings and I totally agree with that. However, I’ve recently learned that it’s not actually as simple as it sounds… A lot of people don’t realise that this is a skill. It may be a skill that you’re naturally very good or bad at (me personally, I’m terrible.) And it’s even a skill that you can improve. If you’re having communication issues like myself, here’s some things that I’ve picked up on whilst navigating my way through learning how to improve my communication skills.
I don’t mean in a secretive way but to sum this point up, certain people only need to know certain things. This is simply because not everyone wants to know certain things. For example, work colleagues don’t always need to know the very personal situations going on in your life, but it would be very beneficial for someone who you’re very close with to know so that they can support you. This is a balance you need to figure out and I’ve realised that this is way more complicated than I thought it would be.
What your communicating is also really important. For example, if your constantly telling one of your loved ones negative things about another person who’s close to you, they’re probably not going to like that person that much. But here’s where there’s a problem – this person who you’ve been speaking so negatively of is still an amazing person, you just haven’t told anyone about the positive aspects of who they are and what they do. Make sure that you’re equally talking about the negative and the positive. Another example of this is if you’re regularly talking to your partner about the problems you have in a relationship but you’re forgetting to cheer them on and mention the great things about your relationship and what you love about your partner!
Finally, there are four ways to go about confronting someone about an issue you have.
To not do it at all and to let things build up till you explode (this is probably the worst one out of these options.)
To plan everything that you want to say to them to realise that the other person isn’t following your script and you no longer know what to say (my personal favourite apparently.)
To not plan what you’re going to say at all and completely offend the person
Finding the balance between number 2&3 (THIS IS THE CORRECT WAY)
So if you’re someone who doesn’t find communication very easy. These are some questions that you can ask yourself when you find yourself in situations to help you through.
Will this person think differently if I tell them this?
Do I only ever complain about things?
Have I told this person about the good things they’ve been doing?
Do I have an idea of what I am going to say to this person so as not to offend them?