Attachment Styles.

Attachment styles is a fascinating study in the world of Psychology. It supposedly begins with the relationship that we have with our parents. The relationships you have as a child then determine what your adult romantic relationships will be like. This is because the relationship you have with your parents create your attachment style. The more we understand what our attachment styles are, the easier it will be to form healthy relationships that truly benefit not only us, but our partners also.

Secure:

  • People with the secure attachment style are comfortable with intimacy and affection.
  • They tend to have low levels of anxiety, avoidance as well as low fear of rejection.
  • Is able to depend on a partner and allow their partner to depend on them.
  • Can accept their partner’s concerns without feeling offended.
  • Has good communication skills with their significant other.

Avoidant:

  • As stated in the title, people with this attachment style are high in avoidance however, are typically low in anxiety.
  • Can be uncomfortable with closeness as is typically self – reliant and values freedom and independence.
  • Finds it difficult to trust others and may resist commitment as a result of fear.
  • Prefers to be self -reliant and for others to avoid depending on them.
  • Usually emotionally closed off to others.
  • Not always comfortable talking about their feelings and therefore, avoids conflict.

Anxious:

  • People with the anxious attachment style are low in avoidance but as you would expect, high in anxiety.
  • They have a strong desire for closeness and intimacy with their partner.
  • Can often be very insecure in a relationship.
  • May struggle to forgive and forget past issues they have experienced.
  • Can be very emotional.

Anxious Avoidant:

  • Both high in anxiety and avoidance.
  • Anxious avoidant attachment styles can mean that a person with is uncomfortable with intimacy. This is often due to a fear of trusting others.
  • May show a lack of empathy.
  • People who have the anxious avoidant attachment style often live with trauma from past experiences they have faced growing up.

There is nothing wrong with any of these attachment styles. However, it is helpful to recognise what attachment style you may be so that you can address any problems you have that may have a negative effect on a relationship that is very important to you. Keep in mind that no one is perfect and all of us have things that we can work on to improve how we treat others.

To find out your attachment style, take this quiz:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test